THE "WARRIOR WORD" FOR PARENTS

Keeping you informed and giving you resources to help in your God-appointed role as parents.
                            

For plenty of great information and games to play that will also help your child learn about history, visit ohiokids.org!

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With a long-standing history of reaching out to families and helping Christian parents find the resources they need in raising their children, this link to the Focus on the Family web site will provide you with weekly articles on parenting and communication with your child.
 

FROM OUR INTERIM HEADMASTER - KEEPING YOU INFORMED

ARTICLE OF THE MONTH

7 Steps to Keep from Yelling at Your Kids

Written by Shawn R. Lilly

Question: I grew up in a home where yelling was the most common communication method. I swore that I’d never be that way with my own kids, but lately, I find myself losing my cool fairly often, especially when I’m tired. How can I get it together?

Answer: Have you ever shut off your car with the radio still on and then been surprised by the volume level the next time you start the ignition? It’s amazing how we can lose sensitivity to volume within even a short drive. Yelling at your kids is similar. It teaches them to tune you out, and it replaces respectful communication with anger, creating emotional distance.

To work on communicating without yelling, here are seven guidelines:

1. Respond appropriately; don’t react emotionally. Calmly address the problem, and be the objective adult you are.

2. Encourage your children to respond to what you’re saying, checking to see if they understand you correctly.

3. State your feelings about the problem, owning them but not unleashing them. (“I feel frustrated when you dawdle because I end up late to work.”) Take responsibility for your emotions, making sure not to blame your children for them.

4. Place yourself in your children’s shoes. How would you want to be treated in their position?

5. Look your kids in the eye. Make eye contact when they are speaking (to prove you’re attentive) and when you are speaking (to emphasize the importance of what you’re saying).

6. Choose your battles and battle times carefully. Keep small things small. If you treat every issue as a huge problem, children will have a hard time knowing what’s important and what’s not. Your best bet? Set aside times for talking about big issues; schedule for periods when you’re both in a decent mood and mindset. Avoid times when you’re distracted by appointments or circumstances.

7. Touch your children when talking about tough issues. A loving touch communicates they are important to you even when they mess up.

To remember these guidelines, think of RESPECT: Respond appropriately, Encourage a response, State your feelings, Place yourself in their shoes, Eye your kids, Choose your battles, and Touch your children.

In addition, if you were exposed to hostility while growing up, your ability to use and express anger in productive ways may be hindered. Some great books and workbooks in the Christian market can help you identify your anger triggers and shore up areas of weakness. (Try “The Anger Workbook for Christian Parents” by Les Carter and Frank Minirth.)

As you mentioned, being tired makes you more prone to angry outbursts. The Bible says to “be angry and do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26). To promote healing, seek forgiveness from God and your children. Then commit yourself to understanding your anger, letting go of past hurts, and learning better ways to communicate and resolve present problems.

Shawn R. Lilly, m.a., m.s., is a professional counselor at the Babb Center, a counseling ministry of First Baptist Church Hendersonville, Tenn. For the last 10 years, she has counseled individuals, couples, and families.